messed up!

I'll keep my promise

2011-09-16T13:14:00.011+08:00

saya baru patah hati. sudah dari dulu sebetulnya. rasanya ga enak, walau sudah lama dan seharusnya terbiasa-tetap ga enak.
karena rasanya ga enak.. cukup sekali. saya ga mau lagi.
sampai saat ini pun saya masih bisa mendengar sengal nafas saya yang ga normal. saya perlu berhenti.
cukup sekali otak saya dibikin ga logik. memang dasar hati ga punya otak-keracunan saya.

just follow your heart... well, ini ga akan berlaku lagi untuk urusan negara yang satu ini.
order will-still over chaos! dan wahai ladies.. pride is still over everything - no matter whatever reason after that! sebelum janur kuning melengkung, harga diri tetap harga diri! harga mati! hoh!

dunia terlalu sempit untuk hanya sekedar "if and why?".
move.
jangan jadi loser yang cuma bisa bilang... "ga bisa... sayap-sayap gw udah patah.. hiks hiks".
neng.. neng..
NASA udah packing.. dia udah nemuin new earth kayanya. Israel udah bikin planning buat nyerang Iran. Korea Selatan? tinggal motret poster aja udah bisa ngirim barang ke rumah. Angola udah famous sama putri sejagadnya. Vietnam? liat aja nanti sea games siapa yang menang. *sotoy sebenernya.
dan di saat dunia sibuk ngurusin pembenahan dan kemajuan bangsa masing-masing..
elu? masih berkutat di kolong tempat tidur nangis mewek - mewek cuma karena... wellewell gw bakal ga sanggup nyebutin benda apalah tuh entah namanya.

gw pernah tenggelam for ages ya dalam dunia yang semua orang setuju indah banget tapi geli-geli nyakitin gimana gitu.
dunia yang bikin semua orang rela kena demam masochist. rela berkorban tenaga, air mata, waktu, malu, bahkan setengah harga diri just to show that... weeiii... I love u beibeehh.. masih ga sadar?? ok.. ga papa.. aku akan setia menunggu. khkhkhkhkh - jaman R.A Kartini aja udah ga laku ngurusin beginian. beneran deh. *kembali sotoy.

tau sih rasanya ga enak. nangis? kalo dikumpulin, air mata gw udah bisa bikin pabrik air mata kemasan kali ya.. dan gw yakin udah buka cabang dimana-mana dan pasti gw udah jadi orang kaya.
dan setelah gw jadi orang kaya, tiba-tiba gw sadar..... emang gw sarap - he's right.

tapi yasudahlah.. semua itu cuma bakal jadi memori. udah waktunya saya packing.. nebeng NASA nyebrang ke Krypton *lebih parah*.... masih banyak hal di luar sana yang lebih worth it buat dipikirin.
A is for ALiVe
but without A, I still could live.

untuk Allah, terimakasih.. paling ga saya tau itu benda rasanya ternyata begitu. cukup tau Ya Allah.. hik hik..
dan untuk mas-mas di ujung sana,
maaf.. semua kelabilan yang telah lalu itu akibat otak saya yang kurang difungsikan secara normal.
setelah (lagi) for ages gw jadi orang sarap, sekarang gw udah sembuh kok.. beneran.
tapi kalo masnya masih marah yaudah.. sayanya ga bisa maksa..
saya cuma berharap suatu saat kita bisa ngobrol-ngobrol lagi.
semoga suatu saat I have right to call u friend..
..
..
yang suatu saat itu beneran friend... ga ada embel apa-apa.. I'm done, I'll keep my promise :)

simple #6

2011-03-24T13:06:00.009+08:00

Alone on a train aimlessly wander

Outdated map crumpled in my pocket

but I didn’t care were I was going

They’re all different names for the same place
Coasts dissapear when the sea drowns the sun
I’ve no words to share with anyone
Boundaries of language quietly curse
All different names for the same thing

There are different names for the same thing

Death Cab for Cutie- Different names for the same thing

FYI #1

2011-03-24T12:43:00.001+08:00

badass of the week :

Hideaki Akaiwa

simple #5

2011-03-16T00:24:00.000+08:00

monologue

2011-03-06T21:05:00.004+08:00

Every matter comes to you... I know it's not that easy to go through.. but you are still alive until now.. nothing happen but stronger, right?
Did you have same problem every day, month, year? Nope! They were different! and you passed it all those things.
And now.. again.. it's just another mountain.
Different mountain.. but exactly with the same climber.. you!
masalahnya beda... tapi lo nya kan tetep lo..

and never ever think that you are the most suffering people in the world..
all those starving people will look at you as a hot yummy turkey and ready to cut off your flesh into pieces...

but maybe you'll say that...
....that's different with my condition and situation now..
alright then..

whatever it is..
you must believe that you'll never walk alone.
when no one there.. Allah will always besides you even closer from your vein.
when you need love from your someone, friend, family....
Heiii... Allah has timessss bigger even than what your mother has, you know? He's the best!
Allah will give you way out when others do nothing but just listening.
Allah will run to you even when you just come by walking.
Allah will send someone to give free shoulders or a warm hug or a crispy joke to wipe your tears away..
Allah has His own way to make you "go home" ... come close to His hand..
He knows that you just a bit miss Him, don't you?

and don't you ever think?
world is so so big...
people are more than many..
but why it happen to you?
why must be you?
are you special enough to be the chosen one?

don't you ever think?
maybe it's just because Allah doesn't believe people unless you..
Allah believes that only you who are able to go through this such kind of trouble..
Allah just believe it to you...
And how come you just put that trust aside while you are the chosen one?

but sometimes maybe you say that... I'm not as strong as what others think..
but Allah knows you more than you know yourself, doesn't He?

If Allah trust you, then how come you don't trust yourself, Han?

dad..

2011-03-06T20:29:00.004+08:00

If I have to apologize to any people in this world..
believe me you will be the one I'll first come to..
sorry dad..
for never call you unless if I need some extra money..
sorry for never ask any question unless a crunchy "how are you?" before my begging words of extra money after that..
sorry for never share anything about my life, or even how much I score in every my semester...
sorry for any loneliness that may come in each of your day...
sorry for my only yes or no in every question to start conversation to me..
sorry for can't be as nice as other daughters of others dad..
sorry for any decision I made without asking any suggestion of yours..
sorry for run only to mom for everything.. everything..

but you should know how much I care about you..
I just can't say it dad...

simple #4

2011-03-06T17:23:00.000+08:00

hey dad... how are you?

a bit fed up

2011-02-17T21:54:00.008+08:00

If I can say it loud...

I don't wanna involve in any bustle which ready to blow up my head, or pump up my heart and running my beat in messy because of the time is almost reach deadline!

I don't want anything burden my - Inysa Allah - few - months - left - campus - life.

No deadline

No must this must that

No go here go there

No please this please that

No mid-night calling

No !

I just need my personal time to arrange my little step in this long path to be in someday I'll be-
*Insya Allah.

Could you just understand?

I need my own time.

but it's just a kind of "if clause" then..

I can't say it, though.
- yaa... it's because of a bit feeling of "friends' thing." :(

~~~

I don't know what Allah asks me to learn some more here unless it'll be worth for me.

thank's Allah to still put Your trust on me.. I won't complain anything... (iyalaa.. sapa guwa?)

I'll look on it as a bucket of boon and I'll do it Insya Allah as long as Your mercy stay along with me..

bismillah.... hoh!

simple #3

2011-02-17T19:50:00.004+08:00

ldk'11

2011-02-15T18:14:00.024+08:00

Some thank's words..

Thank's for Allah SWT for trust me handle this project and for teach me to be tough through a fun story.
It was fun, really.

Seeing hands of people arrange cups and chopsticks and small plastic sticks and sewing red and white pieces and whatever whatever build a pole to stand that holy pieces waving high.. was the best scene of this program! hoh!
I just worried if this last session wouldn't be able to put that feeling and message as what I expected.
but.. thank's Allah..
We did it! at least when I saw those glazed eyes staring straight and singing our holy song together.
That was so so touching.

Even though I had skepticisms to success this program but once I remembered my friend ever said...

In this time of difficulties don't ever say :
"God... I have big problem"
but instead, we should say..
"Hey problem, I have a big God"

and it's enough to collect back all my faith and my spirit to keep my eyes stay open for the whole hectic night preparing every stuffs for next day program.

Thank's for the team... jeany, nyomie, erick, and amink..

The organizers and all committees..
it's great to work with you guys!
and for my roommates who become "impromptu volunteers".. hehe.. terimakasih banyak..

*walaupun gw ga ada disini.. khkhkhk

"kemana pun kita melangkahkan kaki di atas bumi ini, kita akan tetap-selalu dilihat sebagai merah putih yang berjalan."

.hani.

to all reds

2011-01-24T02:26:00.007+08:00

Hey people,

why are you so proud become red among the blacks?

maybe it's dashing enough and looks pretty cool, then all the eyes, cameras, or maybe spotlight will spot on you, but please...! turn your head around and ask yourself... are you in the right time, right corner, wearing right jersey? are you in football match or wedding ceremony? are you the bride, the groom, or just a little pony mini poky... what? whatever!

I think we are adult already.. *if I'm not mistaken.

then going back home and ask your heart! you know exactly when and where you should be different

or at least be silent if you don't like something, instead of hurting people who you think is... what? common? ordinary? normal?

yaa.. I forgot you are so special, you are not ordinary, you are abnormal..... very excited, indeed.

some other things you should ask yourself..

do you need to be different?

will you offend some people or let say.. community when you are different?

do you become different because you are really different or just because you need some flash shooting on you?

feel free to ask yourself.

To be honest, I'm not talking about something we are wearing, yet I'm talking about something's inside our head.

another last thing.......

Don't we remember friends? Being different doesn't always cool... well sometimes it will pull us into loneliness.
pathetic.

2nd meeting psychology

2011-01-23T16:31:00.012+08:00

January, 23rd

01.30 pm

psychology class.

The tasks :

please choose either one below:

..... choose one day to awake for the whole day... 24 hours.. without sleep.. and write down all the things you do during that time. we call it sleep deprivation.

..... choose one day to awake for the whole day... 24 hours.. without take any food.. and write down all the things you do during that time. we call it food deprivation.

*no need to try ma'am! I know I failed already. next!

..... wearing the mismatched sandals, shoes, or whatever.. and go out your room to do some things outside.

*then how about money deprivation?

I think I deal with this thing everyday..

Totally sure, I'll get A ++

What I learnt :

.... People use facebook to compare themselves with others.

*haha.. that's one of the best common ever!

.... Students will highlight all the words inside the book to prove that.. "Ya.. I read this part already! next!" and they will be proud of those yellow words... ooo.. beautiful color.. nice to see..

Quote:

.... Memorize only what is needed and forget the rest!

*then... which pages are needed? could u give us some tips ma'am? so that we can throw away half part of the book!! *excited

simple #2

2011-01-22T18:46:00.001+08:00

stuck

2011-01-22T18:45:00.005+08:00

This January almost reach the end..
ya ya.. I don't have money left.. *come on please.. whenever it is, january, february, marchy, aprily.. I'll still stuck on this budgety, ok?

but it's not about that.
It's about my.. mm.. let say.. new life..
why?
It's been few days since my bach-mates (again, is it correct? how to call it?).. they finish their study in this campus.
They step further to the next stage of ... the real life?
Ya.. they go internship...
learn how to deal with real barbate boss, real fussy customers, real morning chaos which never be "ahh.. so lazy.. let's just skip the.." O-o.. it's not class.. it's real work,, so wake-up-now!!

blussshhhh.. ~ ~ ~

and here I am.
sitting on the class,, listening to.. no no no... hearing.. what? I don't know.. I just hear something's whispering.. ohh khkhkhk...! so sleepy..... yaa!! where are we now?

ya.. still me and all the tasks, papers, to do list, matric card, portal, learningzone, walking under roofed tunnel, library *just need some fresh air.. outside is so hot, hoh!
khkhkhkhk.... fed up already!
come on hani... your turn will be coming soon! yey!

and what else?.. *suddenly review all the words in this posting..
God.. I just said.. "new life"
then where is it??
It's still the same, I guess..
nothing has changed..
khkhkh.. it's my bad..
stupid!

ya.. nothing has changed
..unless my feeling, miss them somewhat.. :)
take care guys..

quote #1

2011-01-22T18:44:00.001+08:00

little pieces of you get chipped away by another person, and you shave little pieces of yourself away so that you'll fit together, then one day you look up and you don't even know who you are

-unknown

simple #1

2011-01-22T18:41:00.002+08:00

little dusky

2011-01-22T18:39:00.006+08:00

Once, my friend’s elder sister ever told her, “hey little big bonny girl, I’ll tell you something, this is about what we call as friendship, believe me, someday you’ll call it a foe-ship, it’ll leave some scratch on your toe so that you’ll take some rest under a shady tree and it’s better for you stop walking rather than let the pain creeping your whole foot then it’ll let you walk on gammy. It’s pain.

But then my friend threw out her smile and said… “dear my big big more bonny sis, I’ll tell you something, this is about what I call life. And mine isn’t yours. If someday I have to fall down, then I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine because I did it myself and I saw it through my own eyes.

To let me stand by my own foot... thank you.

At least I know how the pain is, and sure, it’ll make me stronger…

And to my little dusky brother..

Do whatever you like, I’ll watch your back.

Sorry I never call you or just text you… “How’s your day?”

Sorry for being far away.
Sorry for all the pains I should tell you before, well u've learnt a lot..

Sorry for not being around when you need someone to punch your back.

But through all these things, see.. I know you are strong enough to sustain your foot step on the ground, and keep our chin up upon you.

You are cool dusky! of course when you don’t let mom crying because of your bad.

Good luck dusky! I know you can do it without me!

It's me

2011-01-22T18:32:00.003+08:00

welcome world!

It has been quite a long time since I've left my last word hang up on my old blog.

I've been desperate struggling to be almost-perfect thinker. It's too far from the ground I'm standing now.

Correct grammar, flowery-blossomed-fancy words, the don'ts, the do's.. whatever!

Just try to be me.

It sounds better than pretending to be someone I wanna be.... ha-ha-ha

One more thing,

I'm too jealous to just silent watching them playing words, throwing the ideas, sharing the feelings, or maybe just put another craps as a signal of.. "come on, I give up already!"
those reasons slap me back waking me up from dying.. no no no.. almost dying because of took too much those raisins.. hehe.. hoh...

and dear..
It's me.

sorry for the wrong grammar, spelling, or incorrect situation addressing words..

Forget about those all things! *we learn bout that latter on.... come on.. I'm sick already.
and just free to feel the world, to share the ideas, pouring the feelings on to the words, scream out loud if you wanna slap someone but no no.. he's or she's times bigger than you! haha

alright.
that's enough.
welcome to my perfect mess. :)

1st meeting Marketing Seminar

2011-01-20T18:03:00.002+08:00

January, 20th

10.00 am
Marketing Seminar class.

The tasks:
..... go back home, recheck group and time for other classes so that you can find any possibility for you to runaway from this lecturer and change to other group! do it precisely!! go go!!
..... find ten articles lecturer asked you searching for, go through that, read carefully, and prepare for debate.

*what??? debate??? *lemes tiba-tiba

What I learnt:
..... Not all nice lecturer will give you simply pass ticket.

Quote:
..... Many people say I'm killer lecturer, but no one of my students die... *yet :S [worried]